GRIEF....STAGE 7.....

Stage 7
Acceptance 
 During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

I am in this stage now.  I am beginning to see the end of the tunnel.  Don't get me wrong, I still miss Thomas, I will always miss him.  I have accepted the situation of him being gone.  True, I have bad days and good days.  But mostly good days now.  An no, I'll never be the same as when Thomas was here, but I am finding a new me.  So if you have lost a loved one, just hold on, it will get better, I promise.    I leave you Thomas and me young, middle aged, and older aged.

Our Wedding Picture

Our 25th Anniversary Picture

 The last picture of us before Thomas got sick....

GRIEF......STAGE 6

Grief....Stage 6

Reconstruction
 As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

This stage was really hard for me.  I didn't want to do anything without first asking Thomas.  So what was I suppose to do?  I had to figure it out on my own.  After living 48 years with Thomas, I learned a few things from him.  But the one thing I'm having trouble with is how to save money.  Thomas could squirrel away money, but I just want to spend, spend, spend.  I have to learn not to spend so much money on "stuff".  But I don't have Thomas to ask for advice, so I'm learning on my own.  A few years before Thomas passed, he bought a new riding mower, our old just wore out.  He was so proud of that mower.  

 

GRIEF.......STAGE 5

Stage 5.....Depression

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

I haven't had any motivation to do anything that I used to do.  I haven't worked on a quilt since my husband passed.  I just haven't had the motivation to do that.  This is part of stage 5, Depression.  As I thought Depression was something else, I was really surprised that this is the same as Depression.  Sitting around the house, no desire to go anywhere, don't have the desire to clean my house.....the list goes on and on.  But it gets better, I have taken up embroidery again.  There is a little spark inside me that wants to work on a quilt, but it hasn't quite gotten out yet.    I leave you with Thomas doing his favorite thing......fishing.

GRIEF......STAGE 4

Why am I posting the 7 stages of grief??  I thought maybe if I post about them it would help me through this.  Possibly helping someone else who is having trouble adjusting after the loss of a loved one.  It's not that I'm anexpert....but I have gone though them. 

4. Bargaining 
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

I skipped this one, why, because I knew there was no way of Thomas coming back to me.  And the truth be told, I didn't want him back, don't get me wrong I would have wanted him back, but not the way he was.  He was in so much pain at the time, I just wanted him to quit hurting.  I wanted him to let go so he wouldn't hurt anymore.  As I've said the man laying in the bed wasn't the Thomas I'll always remember.  That man was gone.  This is the Thomas I would want back.....being outside.......enjoying the spring day.

 

GRIEF......STAGE 3

The 3rd stage of grief really surprised me when it happened.  I couldn't believe the feelings I had.

3. Anger
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

I wasn't mad at someone for Thomas passing away.  I was mad at Thomas for leaving me.  We have been have so much trouble with the appliances breaking, the plumbing sucks, and the termites have eaten the floors.  So I got so mad at Thomas for leaving me here with all this "stuff" to take care of.  I know it's not his fault, but at the time I couldn't think of anyone else to blame.  It's really hard to figure it all out when Thomas took care of all this stuff.  Now I have to make the decisions and figure out where the money is coming from.  Thankfully my son helps me a lot.  Stage 4 is for tomorrow.  I leave you with our Wedding Picture.....

GRIEF........STAGE 2

The 7 stages of Grief are real.  I've been through several of them.

2. Pain and Guilt
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

I personally think this is the worst of the 7 stages.  The pain of losing my husband was excruciating, I kept telling myself he wasn't really gone, just sleeping....but that is so not right.....and then you have to face the fact you have to bury your loved one.  Then the guilt sits in....if i would have only prayed more.....or I loved him more....or I helped him more.....the questions keep going on and on of things I could of done to keep him longer.  But of course that wasn't possible.  You eventually get over this stage.....and walk right into stage 3.  Which I will be posting tomorrow.  

My hubby, Thomas, as the young man I fell in with......50 years ago.

 

GRIEF........STAGE 1

My husband of 48 years passed away June 18, 2016.  He had Colon Cancer.  He fought for 2 and a half years, but he didn't make it.  He went through the Chemo and Radiation.   He also has surgery to remove the tumor, but it didn't do any good.  He started a down hill slide and couldn't seem to pull out of it.  When you loose the one you lived and loved for 48 years, it feels like a piece of you went with them.  I have been fighting, trying to get on with my life, but I'm stuck.  So I went searching to some help on the internet.

WHAT ARE THE SEVEN SIGNS OF GRIEF.......

1. Shock and Denial....
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

For me this lasted for a couple of months.  I couldn't quite believe everything you have to go through after a husband dies.   You have to change all the vehicles to your name....along with the car plates and insurance.  And don't forget you have to have the death certificate to prove all this.  The price of burying someone is exorbitant!!  It cost 15,000 plus dollars to bury my husband.  This was my way of working though the fact my husband had died.  It kept me busy getting everything arranged.  

I'll be posting one grief sign everyday this week.  Wondering about my hubby....this is Thomas....

this was taken a few years before he passed away.  I love him with all my heart and miss him so much.